Kung Fu Panda 2

PG for animal obesity, hints of inter-species romance, mild genocide

Reason #6,897 that I wish I were Jackie Chan:

“Hello? Is this Jackie Chan?”

“Yes.”

“We’d like you to voice-act in our sequel to Kung Fu Panda.”

“How many lines do I have?”

“Let me count… six.”

“And how much will I get paid?”

“$100,000.”

“Can I just do it over the phone?”

“Sure. My assistant is texting you the dialogue right now; just start whenever you’re ready.”—Ben Orlin