Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Pilfered Pharmaceuticals

by David Etkin • Encyclopedia and Sally were sitting in Encyclopedia’s garage when little Abdul Muhommed walked in and slapped a quarter down on the gasoline can beside Encyclopedia.

“Only you can help me, Encyclopedia,” Abdul whispered.

“Good grief Abdul! Have you lost your voice?” said Encyclopedia. “I can barely hear you.”

Abdul nodded forlornly. “My father, he’ll just die if he finds out. The Idaville Boys Choir is having tryouts this Friday, and if they don’t pick me he’ll offer my genitals up to Allah!”

“Of course, the choir would do basically the same thing,” muttered Sally.

Encyclopedia nodded sagely. His father had taught him how to size up any situation in seconds and figure out how to prevent it from effecting the quality of his own life. He had also taught Encyclopedia how to survive in the wilderness with only a compass and a blunt club. Encyclopedia spent as much time out of the house as he possibly could.

At the moment, however, he was confronted with the problem of Abdul and how to get him out of his hair as soon as possible. Dammit! Idaville had a perfectly decent paramedic unit for people like Abdul. Idaville was, in fact, like most small seaside towns. It had three movie theaters, two delicatessens, lovely beaches, twelve dog pounds, a franchise of mortuaries, and one branch of the John Birch Society. It also had Encyclopedia Brown, America’s Miss Marple in a baseball cap.

“Are you sure you want a detective and not a doctor?” Encyclopedia asked amiably. “Your voice sounds pretty bad, and your lips appear sort of bluish.” He pointed meaningfully to the sign he hung each morning outside the garage.

“I need you, Encyclopedia,” Abdul whined faintly. “This is all Bugs Meany’s fault. He slipped lye in my cream soda yesterday. I know it was himl”

“Bugs sure lives up to his surname,” Sally said. “He’s got more up his sleeve than his elbow, that’s for sure! He’s sneakier than a pair of Buster Browns! He’s like an old baseball mitt: cracked at the seams! Bugs is like the bloated phlegm-secreting South American lip-leech, he’s always—”

“Why do you think Bugs is the culprit?” interjected Encyclopedia.

“He’s still mad at me for stealing Greta away from him,” Abdul explained furtively. “It’s revenge, plain and simple.”

Greta was the new girl in town, who had just moved in from Nova Scotia. Her auburn curls and coquettish manner were enough to put hair on the chest of any heal-thy ten-year-old boy. Bugs had sworn that she would be his, but her heart belonged to the shy-yet-swarthy Adonis with the golden throat. And now that throat was choked with infected scar-tissue. Bugs was a natural suspect.

“All right, Abdul,” said Encyclopedia, “we’ll take your case, but you must take us to the scene of the crime. “ Abdul grinned weakly, baring a set of teeth already yellow from a monstruous tamarind juice addiction. “I owe you one, Encyclopedia,” he rasped gratefully.

Doc Kreegan’s pharmacy was located between the Idaville Pretzel Factory and the Melson Home for the Terminally Ill. It was here that Abdul had purchased that fateful cream soda. Encyclopedia, Sally and Abdul sauntered into the building shortly after lunch.