I recently returned from a healing, ethereal, and transformative two months in Madrid, Spain. Unfortunately, after the customs agent ruthlessly stripped me of my 4kg Manchego cheese wheel, my only remaining souvenir was my study-abroad-induced alcoholism. Alas, until I can find a New Haven bar that sells $1 shooters or a frat that responds to an incoherent “un shot más, porfa,” it seems my drinking habits are unsustainable. Between me and you and a bottle of wine, we can find ways to overcome this. Like:

    1. Surround yourself with people who make you feel drunk on life!
    2. Opt for a smaller drink—a shot of vodka is far less voluminous than a can of beer.
    3. Try a harder substance like LSD. Halucenogenic-induced ego death is a profound way to blend into the broader universe and forget everything that you sought to bury with alcohol in the first place. 
    4. It’s not techinically considered study-abroad-induced alcoholism if you are no longer studying abroad…it’s time to bring it home!
    5. i broufht iT (a handle of Titis) home. dRimking dooes nit make writibg an aeticle for the Revprd more funn.

–G. Cohen

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