Ha, no, I’m not sleeping more…between you and me, honey, I got some work done! You can barely tell, right? Yes darling, Dr. Dog works miracles, yes he does. 

“Dr. Dog! My fingers are too bony!” 

“Fret not dear! All you need is a phalangis ablatio salsiciiformis.”

“Dr. Dog! I sunburn too easily!”

“Trivial! I’ll encase your skin in a layer of cellulose and collagen.”

“Dr. Dog! My wrinkles are ghastly!”

“Aha! A simple lipo-flation will plumpen you out in no time.”

I used to worry about conforming to contemporary beauty standards, characterized by a complex interplay of socio-cultural constructs, wherein individuals navigate an intricate tapestry of media influence and self-perception, reflecting an amalgamation of ever-evolving aesthetic paradigms and psychological pressures. Now, I am a hot dog. I’m curvy in all the right places and smooth as a porpoise. Life is good. And God is good. But Dr. Dog is better.



— M. Neissen