What’s your favorite color?

a) Firetruck Red

b) Jaundice Yellow

c) Nauseous Green

d) Disgusting Off-white

Do you squirt?

a) Yes, when squeezed

b) No

What is your melting point?

a) None in particular

b) 57.92°F

c) I am already liquid. I am always a liquid. I am trapped as a liquid.

d) 515°F

Do you contain eggs?

a) No

b) Not comfortable sharing

c) Sometimes, wink

d) Yes

Are you welcome in the city of Chicago?

a) Not after the Ketchup riots of 1840

b) Yes

Have you wet the bed in the past 24 hours?

a) Ketchup. Sorry— I mean Ketchup!

b) Um … yes …

c) No. Never. That’s baby business. No longer a baby. I’m reading the Record. Babies don’t read the Record.

If you answered option A the most, you’re definitely ketchup …

Anything else you’re probably like mayonnaise or something else that’s irrelevant.

A. Calkins and G. Dominguez