How To Prank the Harvard Student Staying In Your Common Room 

Annoyed that Erin and Nicole from Harvard are occupying the good couch in your common room this weekend? The La-Z Boy couch that reclines? Don’t fear. Follow along to learn exactly how to get back at ‘em. 

  1. Shit on ‘em
  2. Dont let ‘em in
  3. Tell them that their name is not on the list
  4. Gotcher nose!!!
  5. Have your father sue ‘em 
  6. Only let them sleep in the smoking section of the common room
  7. Hit ‘em with that classic clog and blame 
  8. Piss on your La-Z Boy couch before they arrive
  9. Tell them it’s daylight savings 
  10. Use their toothbrush
  11. Tell them they actually arrived at Dartmouth 
  12. Whoopee cushion 
  13. Register them to vote 
  14. Do the NYT “36 Questions to Fall in Love” with them but only lie
  15. Tell them they have a loose tooth
  16. Offer to pull it out
  17. SWEEP THE LEG (Kick them in the joint behind their knee, ensuring an easy takedown and putting them in a vulnerable position. When they’re in a vulnerable position, back off. We at the Record do not advocate for violence. In fact, we don’t even advocate for psychological violence. We think pranks are rude, disrespectful, and fucked up. If you clicked on this article, we’re logging your name and IP address and we’re adding you to our list of people who are rude and disrespectful. That’s fucked up). 
  18. Pick them up and put them on the Morse/Stiles dish drop

                                                  — Staff