Tori Stist

Los Angeles, California


Just a few hours from the city lies a totally quaint, super authentic American town, with a totally authentic, super quaint little bar and grill. The Crime Scene is the perfect off-the-beaten-path establishment if you’re tired of the hustle and bustle of the important parts of America and want to remind yourself that an LA 8 is a 10 anywhere else.

The service at the “Scrime Brille” (as the locals call it) was slow, because nobody has anywhere to be, but that’s a part of the authentic small town charm! They don’t have to spend time influencing and inspiring like us. While we were waiting in a super sticky and super down to earth booth, we got to experience a totally real glimpse into the lives of NUAs (Non-Urban-Americans). We met the sheriff (adorable), Charlie Murderer (love), and the mayor (fat), who seemed super nice but was a little quiet. Later they said he was dead, which was kind of totally nuts. 

The food was completely almost edible, and my assistant McKanniston said the chicken fingers tasted “homely.” But the authentic small town stench was hard to stomach—the whole place smelled like wet dog. All in all, The ScriBri (as the cooler locals call it) is a great spot to spend absolutely no more than an hour at. Minus one star for mutt stench. Minus one star for the dead mayor on the ground that the staff just kind of mopped around. Would totally come again though!

—D. Alberts