Location: Rafferty Falls Town Hall, Bar, & Grill Date: February 27th, 2022

3150 O’Shagger Lane 5:00pm


DETECTIVE CARUSO: Ladies and gentlemen of Rafferty Falls. As some of you know, Mayor O’Connor is dead. As far as we know, he was last seen alive with Charlie Murderer.

CITIZEN 1: Woah, ok wow, ok. Just because the guy’s last name is Murderer doesn’t mean he had anything to do with the murder, I mean jeez. We can’t just be throwing accusations around left and right.

CARUSO: Well, yes, but the fact is Mayor O’Connor was last seen alive with Mr. Murderer at his business, which is called Crime Scene Bar & Grill.

CITIZEN 2: Yeah, it’s an ironic name? Charlie likes to poke fun at his own name, is that his crime? If having a sense of humor is illegal, then lock me up too I guess. Because I’m just as guilty as he is. It seems like you’re really judging a book by its cover here. If someone raided the meatball factory, how would you like it if we all went “ooohhhh I bet it’s detectiiivee Caruso!!” 

CARUSO: No yeah, jokes are good. It’s just that, hmm, I’m not so much concerned with the names of things, like Murderer or Crime Scene Bar & Grill. Forget all that for now. I’m just saying that there’s evidence which suggests—

CITIZEN 3: Evidence? Evidence my ass. Charlie Murderer is an esteemed member of this community, not to mention a small business owner!!! You know, it’s not easy. The government protects the rich and gives hand-outs to the poor. You know what guys like Charlie get? Nothing. Rich enough to pay taxes but not rich enough to avoid them. And it’s no wonder it was just the Mayor and Charlie in the bar—nobody wants to work! You ever work a service job, Meatball? 

CARUSO: Absolutely, yeah. Mr. Murderer is his own boss, very nice. So as a detective, here’s what I’m thinking. Murderer was the only person there when Mayor O’Connor was killed. So by process of elimination, Mr. Murderer is the killer, right?

CITIZEN 1: Unless it was a suicide.

CARUSO: True. Ok, works for me.

The room votes 17 – 1 to let Murderer go free. 

—S. Leone