“How has your week been?”

“Things have been all right. The kids are starting to leave the nest, so my wife and I will have some alone time.”

“I’m glad to hear it. How have you been managing with the changing of the seasons?  I know that was causing a lot of stress.”

“It’s been okay. I’ve spent a lot of time stocking up for the cold. Nuts, berries. That kind of stuff. I try to get up early to get to the new berries before my neighbor Dave. He never leaves anything for anyone else.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“Inferior, I suppose. I can’t properly provide for my family.”

“Is there anything else?”

“I don’t know, it just feels like it makes me… less of a man, I guess.”

“How so?”

“It’s just like… my whole life, I’ve tried to live up to everyone’s expectations. There’s so much pressure, you know? I mean, no one ever really talks about it, but it can be hard to be a bird. Does that… does that make any sense?”

“I understand completely. But remember, you’ve raised a beautiful family. You have nothing to worry about—I assure you, no one is judging you or questioning your stature as a male in the community. You’ve got a lot going for you.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. And I don’t like to bring this up often, but I do have the biggest bird dick.”

“And you have the biggest bird dick.”

—S. Spaner