POINT: You’re A Dumb Idiot

Hey, hey stupid. Guess what? You’re a bozo. You? You’re dumb. You’re dumb as a cinder block, dumb as a donkey, dumb as dirt, dumb as donkey dirt. You’re not smart, that’s for damn sure. You don’t even know what’s going on! Thinking is not your strong suit. You’re a doofus, a moron, a great big dummy. I bet you did poorly in school, bucko. I bet you didn’t understand the material. Here’s how stupid you are: You’d sell your car to pay for gas. You’d call your own cell phone to find it by the ringtone. You probably think a urinal cake is a type of regular cake. News flash: it’s not! You’ve got cobwebs in your skull, on account of how empty it is. Seeing as you’re brainless. Idiot.

COUNTERPOINT: Hey! You’re Really Smart

Wow! You’ve got quite the head on your shoulders, huh?  Big ol’ brain alert! You’re a sharp one, there’s no denying that. You’re quite the thinker! You’re always three steps ahead: I wouldn’t want to see your face across a chessboard, that’s for sure! You always understand the material. I don’t use the word “genius” lightly, but you might fit the bill. You know how smart you are? You could solve a math problem with your eyes closed… upside down! You’d beat Albert Einstein in a “Who is Smarter” contest. When you talk, people say “Uh, English, please,” because you use big words that they don’t understand, like “circuitous” and presumably others.  Smarty.

—J. Wickline