NEW HAVEN- In a victory speech Wednesday, Mayor Pete Buttigieg announced to a surprised crowd that he had won the spot as Spring Fling Headliner. In response to the announcement, the modest contingency of Buttigieg fans at Toad’s Place all broke into a spontaneous “High Hopes” dance as their leader addressed the crowd.
“I’m so proud to have won this honor,” the mayor said. “When the results are announced tomorrow, we’ll have known this was coming all along.” Though the results are yet to be announced, a Pete-headlined show would be a shock to many, considering most recent polling showed Lil Yachty and the “catch me outside” girl each with double digit leads.
“From the first time we saw him, we knew that Mayor Pete really understood the values and traditions Yale was built on,” Spring Fling Chair Max Sahlins said in a written statement. “Also we thought we were getting Lizzo but the app fucked up.”
In an unrelated announcement, Dean Marvin Chun announced that mandatory Mayor Pete “High Hopes” dance classes will replace all QRs. These courses will be held MWF 9:25-10:15 in Davies auditorium.