Last night I was told by the owner of Red Hen in Lexington, VA to leave because I work for @POTUS and I politely left. Her actions say far more about her than about me. I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully and will continue to do so

-Sarah Huckabee Sanders

 

Last night, hoping for something a little on the upscale side, I went to Francisco’s in Burlington, NC. The fettuccine alfredo had a creamy, satisfying sauce but the noodles were a bit too al dente for my taste. At least, that is what it looked like from afar—I did not get a chance to try anything because I was immediately asked to leave because I work for @POTUS. Honestly, their actions say far more about them and their probably undercooked noodles, than about me. I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully, and will continue to do so

3 stars

 

Last night, after recommendations from friends, I finally checked out Le Chez Fontan in Alexandria, PA. IMHO, not worth the hype—the service was slow and the crème brulee was too eggy from my taste. Of course, I’m basing this on my view from outside the window, as they saw right through my fake mustache and immediately asked me to leave because I work for @POTUS. Frankly, their actions say far more about Terrance, who assured me on Craigslist that this mustache was “100% convincing,” than about me. Unlike the waitress who forced me to remove my wide-brimmed hat and then audibly laughed, I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully, and will continue to do so

2 stars

 

Last night I popped into Carlo’s Delicatessen in Trenton, NJ for a late lunch. I’d heard they had incredible pastrami sandwiches and let me tell you folks—they did not lie! At least, that was what I gathered from what I could see from their roof. As I attempted to get in through the chimney, I was immediately asked to leave because I work for @POTUS. Honestly, their actions say far more about the inadequate torque of the wrench I used to try to remove the bolts on their chimney cover than about me. Unlike the hostess who noticed me and reported a “strange woman in a full-on Santa Claus costume on the roof,” I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully, and will continue to do so

5 stars

 

Last night, stuck working late in my hotel room, I ordered in from Tom’s Bistro in Nashville, TN. The food was a bit cold from its travel, but the chicken parmesan was still tasty—tender, pounded thin, and crispy on the outside. Of course, this is all based on a passing glance of the dish from inside its bag, as the delivery man recognized me and immediately asked me to leave because I work for @POTUS. To be honest, his actions say far more about the YouTube video I watched on how do a fake British accent, than about me. Unlike the hotel staff, who then walked to my room and forced me to pack my things, watching wordlessly with crossed arms, I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully, and will continue to do so

4 stars

 

Last night, hoping for something cheap and quick, I stopped into the McDonald’s on Carter St. in Albuquerque, NM. The fries were crisped to perfection, but the Bacon McDouble was a little messy and hard to eat. Of course, this is based solely on what I saw as I mopped the floor, looking through my $4,000 hand-made prosthetic mask of Raul the janitor’s face, as when I tried pop into the kitchen to grab a bite, I was recognized and immediately asked to leave because I work for @POTUS. Frankly, this says far more about the supposedly “professional makeup artist who worked on Mrs. Doubtfire and the Lord of the Rings series” who “guarantees he can make anyone completely recognizable or their money back,” but who now won’t return my calls, than it does about me. Unlike the staff of this McDonald’s, and unlike Raul, who was completely unsympathetic when I had to restrain him and steal his uniform, I always do my best to treat people, including those I disagree with, respectfully, and will continue to do so

1 star

 

– A Chase

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