1. While singles are admittedly better than doubles for some activities, such as fornication and photosynthesis, badminton is a two-person sport.
2. Roommates are great for late night conversations when neither of you can sleep because you are both suffering the existential dread that accompanies the realization that your dreams are unattainable, your relationships superficial, and your badminton-playing subpar at best.
3. Roommates are morally and legally obligated to prevent you from choking on your own vomit.
4. Having a roommate permits you to own and store twice the socially acceptable number of pocket-watches and top hats.
5. Roommates are good for bringing along to family functions such as birthdays, weddings, and funerals so you can avoid intrusive questions from your relatives about why you don’t have a boyfriend yet, even though you’re just a freshman and being single is perfectly normal and anyway you are living for yourself this semester and goddammit Aunt Melinda can you stop harassing me and please just finish the eulogy.
6. Roommates come with a variety of useful features, such as night-vision, a popcorn setting, and Bluetooth connectivity.
7. In the event of an emergency, your roommate has an extra lung and kidney he isn’t doing anything with.
8. Romantic candlelit dinners are much less sad and awkward with two people, especially when the other person is not stupid Aunt Melinda.
9. Performing the summoning ritual with a partner means you are 50 percent less likely to be consumed by the Eldritch Abomination when it manifests in this astral plane.
10. You just might find yourself a lifelong friend, and more importantly, badminton-partner.
— Z. Rosen
