Dear Calculus,
I thought I was an integral part of
your life, but now I can’t differentiate
between your conflicting sines. Our
interests are diverging, our romance
is concaving in, and there is a limit to
how much I can take. I need a constant
presence in my life. Stop being such an
asymptote.
Suck it, I’m an English major,
puns for the win!