Top 10 Reasons Pre-Frosh Make Us Feel Insecure

1. They are stronger, faster, and smarter than us.
2. They read books. We could read books too if we wanted to, by the way.
3. They go to pediatricians instead of regular doctors.
4. The pre-frosh are SCREWING our WIVES!
5. They’ve never been kicked out of Woads.
6. They already know about drugs and sex.
7. They will get special treatment for first-year seminars.
8. They get hit by cars and get all the attention. Then they have “wounded soldier” moments with our WIVES!
9. They use GroupMe.
10. They are pretty tall for a bunch of high schoolers. What do they eat? What are our wives feeding them?

— Staff