- TRUMBULL: A Stolen Bow Wow Medley – The perfect mix of sushi, Clif bars, and caffeinated chocolate, to barter among your cellmates in YPD lockup.
- BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Medical Grade Anesthesia – A locally sourced must-have from Yale Health.
- GRACE HOPPER: Peanut Butter Cookies – Cookies containing peanut butter.*
- PAULI MURRAY: Weed Brownies – Ours don’t contain marijuana; instead they’re made of ivy and tallgrass hand-picked to order from outside Pauli Murray.
- SILLIMAN: The Sillimander Special: The Handsome Hamburger – A patty humanely sourced from the frozen corpses of Handsome Dan X and Handsome Dan XII (available in limited stock).
- DAVENPORT: Freezer Burnt McRib – We cannot ensure freshness, but we can promise that you will need a pillow for all those turbulent nights spent in your suite’s bathroom.
- TIMOTHY DWIGHT: Extra Sloppy Joe – Think sloppy Joe, but the meat is humanely harvested from TD’s garbage cans and served directly into your cupped hands.
- MORSE: The Parfait – We’ve taken what you love most about Morse and put it into your new favorite snack. Expired greek yogurt, month old blueberry compote, and freshly chipped granola from our gorgeous limestone to top the whole thing off, giving it an extra crunch that will knock your teeth off!
- EZRA STILES: Raw Moose Meat – Fuel your workout at Payne Whitney with some fresh, raw, humanely decapitated protein! Choose your cut yourself or just go at the carcass with your teeth like we did back in the good ole days.
- JONATHON EDWARDS: Gold Encrusted Filet Mignon – We use our endowment to provide only the best options for our students. Cooked in house to your liking and served with mashed potatoes and salted asparagus, you will be eating up every last bite and begging our in house Michelin star chef for more.
- PIERSON: Apple Slices – This exotic, one-of-a-kind treat will have you calling home to your mom to tell her how great your day was. Add peanut butter for an extra dollar.*
- BERKELEY: The Cross Campus Catch – We round up the last students to leave cross campus and bake them humanely our meat lovers flatbread.
- BRANFORD: Adderall – We know what the people want.
- SAYBROOK: Zoloft – We know what the people need.
*Peanut butter has peanuts in it, a known allergen to people with peanut allergies.
—E. Thulin
