Reasons Communism Sucks

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Forced redistribution of land

Treating poor people as equal members of society

Sharing the caviar with your maid

State-mandated pajamas patterned with the faces of the revolutionary fathers

Talking to Aunt Martha about the values of the revolution while waiting in line for your rations of Jell-O and sriracha sauce

Having to say and spell proleteareat and bourjwasie

Inability to shower in Benjamins because the state mandates that you downgrade to twenties

State-mandated hourly trust falls to reinforce solidarity among compatriots

Cosmo features sex advice from government officials to meet its requirement for state propaganda

Overalls

—R. Lopez

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