This piece was originally featured in the DIY Issue. Read it now!
Two girls drank beer around a keg,
And sorry I could not hit on each,
I stared at one chick’s well-tanned leg,
and thought, “She’s yours, you’ve made it, Greg!â€
And felt a hook-up in my reach.
The other one was just as hot,
And easier, for I could see
She was long past her seventh shot,
Though plentiful supply of pot
Had ebbed their judgments equally.
My mental state was in decline,
But as we finished off my rum,
Their blurry eyes stared into mine;
I knew I neared the finish line
And slid a hand over one’s bum.
When asked for details, I’ll reply
(As my poor head begins to pound):
“Two girls threw up on me, and I,
I panicked and began to cry,
And passed out wasted on the ground.â€
-I. Strauss