3. The Five-Second Rule – If you dropped anything you were eating on the floor, it would still be okay to eat it as long as you picked it up before five seconds had passed, because, umm, germs, you know, like, totally work like that. Whether it landed on a relatively clean kitchen floor, inside your gym shoes, or between the dirt-filled cracks of the cushions on your couch, we let ourselves believe that bacteria had an honor system that somehow included a notion of “giving us a head start.†Call it being immature, call it part of growing up, call it your inner voice shouting,“Come on, that’s totally the clean kind of dirt it landed in!â€, for one reason or another, we all fell victim to believing in this crap. We all made it out alive though, and while this doesn’t make me believe in the five-second rule, it does guarantee that all our T-cells know how to go H.A.M. kicking germ ass.
—V. Hall
Find more comedy like this in the pages of the Myth and Legend issue!
