Breaking: Berlusconi Announces Resignation

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The notorious Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has announced that he’s prepared to resign in the face of Italy’s debt crisis. How’s he capping his final days in office?

  • Selling all Italian government assets to his family holding company in exchange for a bottle of spit.
  • Inviting all of Rome to “the biggest bunga-bunga rager this country’s ever seen.”
  • Pardoning Han Solo and having him released from carbonite.
  • Leaving upper-deckers in every one of his palace’s toilets.
  • Filling out forms to enter the Iowa primary as a Republican candidate.

Staff  (Kemper, Newsham)

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