A group of evangelical Christians have invented “Jesusween,” a Godly alternative to Halloween. Instead of costumes, followers are urged to wear white tops “to symbolize Righteousness.” What other things are they urged to do?
• Throw toilet paper at Mitt Romney’s house
• Ring doorbells and recite passages from Scripture for vegetables (non-phallic only, pls)
• Burn people at stake if they refuse to discard their demonic garb and don the white shirt of Righteousness
• Throw away science-inspired candy like Milky Way
• Wear white pants to symbolize purity, white hoods with eyeholes to symbolize racial superiority
• Go door to door on Halloween dressed in a lab coat and NPR t-shirt, being rude
—Staff (Chernicoff, Kahn, Klumpp, Newsham)
