Studies say that atheism is on the rise in America, especially among the young. Why?
• Holy shit! There IS a God!
• Because Richard Dawkins said so
• Preschoolers increasingly suspicious of the Ontological Argument
• Since 2008, God’s cut prayer-support staff by 20%
• Huge Bill Maher fans
• If God existed, He would buy them newer, awesomer cell phones
• Kids these days with the rap music and the video games and the heavy metal music and the microwave ovens and the rock and roll music and the talking pictures and the jazz music
• Who knows–it’s all been downhill since the Nestorian Schism
• Oooooh, yalerecord.com. You just don’t understand, do you? This study couldn’t possibly be true. Because believing in God is the only way to save yourself from eternal damnation, and God loves everyone and everything unconditionally, ergo He would never allow anyone to not believe in Him. And God is omnipotent, ergo if He decided to not allow young people to not believe in Him, they would immediately believe in Him. And so you see how obvious it is that this study and the scientists who conducted it were sent here by the Devil, which God allows to happen despite being omnipotent and unconditionally loving because He wants to test our faith in Him. And you’re falling for it, like a bunch of simpletons who can’t grasp simple, logical concepts. I pity you, I really do. But God tells me that I must love you and try to help you despite your obviously wicked, tainted souls, and that is why I would like to give you this FREE literature about God’s love, and the powerful effects that He can have on your life if you can just understand the clear, obvious logic of His ways!!!
—Staff (Chernicoff, Klumpp, Thornton)
