A high school football coach in upstate NY is being investigated after making his team lie atop graves, in an effort to psyche them up. What are some of his other motivational tactics?
• “Coach’s special massages”
• Chariots of Fire theme on loop
• Hookers, obvs
• Cattle-grade hormones
• A little creative hostage-taking
• Screening of Schindler’s List
• Sharing circles where players can speak freely about dead pets
• Review game film of Hutu/Tutsi genocide
• Antidote to what I just put into your food, you pukes
• Sacrifice of third-stringer to spirit of Vince Lombardi
—Staff (Chernicoff, Kemper, Orlin)
