18. All the movies are second-run, so you hear the endings from the new arrivals before you can see it.
19. The demons all have this “unholier-than-thou” attitude. Jerks.
20. Everybody’s plastic surgery is voided when they get here. It gets ugly; people feel gypped.
21. All the tourists looking for Dante. He’s not HERE, you idiots!
22. Everybody underdresses for everything. Would it kill you to wear something besides a T-shirt and cut offs, once in a while?
23. My obnoxious 666 roommates. Wash a dish once in an eternity, would you? I’m not your mother—she’s over in the women’s dorm.
24. Everybody’s so religious. That boat’s left the dock, folks. “What would Jesus do?†He’d get the Hell out of here, that’s what!
25. Hitler. You’re not funny, so stop trying.
26. The variable sales tax. You can never tell what anything’s going to cost, so you never have enough money when you get to the cashier. I haven’t been able to buy anything for years.
27. Listening to everyone argue, “Which is worse, the liquid gold enemas or the brain-eating worms?†Can we just agree they both suck, and leave it at that?
28. Every year the Devil rereads Paradise Lost and pulls the ol’ “drink-and-dial.â€
29. Whenever the Incendio-Demons set Pol Pot on fire, somebody always yells, “Hey, do you smell Pot?” It was funny the first 20,000 times, guys.
30. My bunkmate Sartre keeps mumbling “I was so right. I was so, so right.â€
