By Nikhil Sud
Overheard, deliberately, at the Gymboree
Guy: Who is the adorable pram-dweller?
Lady: This is Baby Rumbold.
Guy: Baby Rumbold?
Lady: Yes.
Guy: But why do you call him Baby Rumbold?
Lady: Because he’s Baby Rumbold.
Guy: No, I mean why the “Baby” part? That part’s understood, isn’t it? Is it because Rumbold is an adult-sounding name?
Lady: No such thing as an adult-sounding name.
Guy: Of course there is. “Alexander” for instance. “Alexander” sounds like a man, like the king, certainly not a baby.
Lady: D’you mean no man called Alexander was ever a baby?
Guy: Quite likely.
Lady: Well, it’s apparent that you don’t know very many babies. And that’s sad.
Guy: With due respect, madam, you have no right to comment on the company I keep.
Lady: It’s just sad, that’s all.
Guy: All right, I suppose it is. But tell me: if it’s not because of the ridiculously baby-inappropriate “Rumbold”, then why is it that you preface your child’s name with “Baby”?
Lady: Oh yes, that. Well, otherwise people would get so confused!
Guy: Confused?
Lady: Absolutely!
Guy: Why, is there someone else in the family called Rumbold?
Lady: No.
Guy: Right, and if it has nothing to do with how adult “Rumbold” sounds, why then would they get confused?
Lady: Well, they need to know he’s a baby. Otherwise – and Heaven forbid – they might take him seriously. Shudder!
Guy: Alright, but won’t they know a baby when they see one? I mean, isn’t it rather obvious – with the small size and all?
Lady: Small? Sir, you have gone too far. I’ll have you know that my baby isn’t small! He’s big. And sarcastic.
Guy: Sarcastic?
Lady: No.
Guy: No?
Lady: I’m being sarcastic.
Guy: But you’re not Baby Rumbold?!
Lady: No, I’m Woman Lily, this is Baby Rumbold and you are confused. Told you this would happen.
