• 1931. Harvard pranksters kidnap Handsome Dan and paint him red. In retaliation, Yale pranksters shoot John Harvard XXIX in the head.
  • 1935. Yale pranksters break into the Harvard team locker room before the game and fill their guns with blanks. The Harvard team is defenseless on the field.
  • 1941. The entire Harvard team reveals themselves to be women, doing a “She’s The Man”-style infiltration of the male-dominated sport. The entire Yale team reveals the same. The entire Harvard team reveals that they were joking, and are actually men. Yale is disqualified. 
  • Yale pranksters strategically hand out white and red hoodies to the Harvard section so that, once worn, the crowd spells “I’m A Stupid Idiot And I’m Dumb And My School is Bad At Football.” The Harvard football team, being booed from both sides, cannot maintain a sense of orientation and repeatedly scores on the wrong goal line.
  • 1968. Yale team smugly reveals that the entire game is but a figment of a creative Yale student’s imagination. Harvard team smugly reveals that the creative Yale student is but a dream in the mind of an slumbering Harvard student. Slumbering Harvard student wakes up. Stalemate.
  • 1989. Whoopie Cushions on the field. Eleven casualties.
  • 1995. Harvard pranksters stash their smallest player inside the football. While airborn during the first throw of the game, he bursts out of the football screaming and babbling about airholes. Play continues uninterrupted.
  • 2011. Harvard quarterback attempts to leak Yale quarterback’s pornographic search history. Accidentally leaks own pornographic search history. Harvard spirit through the roof when it turns out he was watching cool and normal porn. Harvard wins.
  • 2013. Yale starts “Harvard sucks” chant. Harvard mortified.
  • 2019. Yale alum Hillary Clinton murders Harvard donor Jeffrey Epstein in prison. Harvard retaliates by starting “Yale Sucks” chant at game.
  • 2021. Yale students attempt to sabotage Harvard team by slipping bull tranquilizers into their milktank, but mix them up with bull testosterone supplements. Harvard wins.
  • 2019. Harvard students dressed in Yale merchandise storm field in an attempt to get Yale disqualified. The action is mistaken as a climate protest, and makes national news.
  • 2022. Harvard pranksters charge $25 per phony game ticket. To save face, Yale administration pretends tickets are real.

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