Hey you. Yeah, you. You see this here horse? She’s a real beaut, yes she is. Her name’s Friday.
Sure, she’s been through the ringer a bit, but she’s built as strong as they come. She runs up to 50 mph, weighs 150 lbs, and she’s got about 10 horsepower, give or take. She’s all yours for a hundred greenbacks.
Oh, you don’t know if you’re gunna buy anything today? You have to talk to the missus before buyin’ a horse? I get it. Listen, I’m happily married comin’ up on thirty years now, and if there’s one piece of advice I got it’s “better to ask forgiveness than permission.” Know what I mean? The forgiveness is easier’n the permission, plus you get to keep the thing.
Now hold on a minute, you don’t think that’s a healthy relationship? That’s some nerve you got there, son. Me and Darlene have been married since before you poked your way out of your mother’s belly, so I think I know a thing or two more than you.
What do you mean “time doesn’t impress me so much because people can deceive themselves into staying in a bad relationship just because it’s convenient and comfortable”? Why, Darlene’n I love each other. Sure the spark has dimmed a touch, but that’s just how these things go. Of course I miss the olden days, when the love came easy and strong. But listen here and listen here good, Mr. City Slicker: after a while, you realize that a comfortable, predictable relationship is just about as good as it gets in this here world. Forget bein’ scared of dyin’ alone, you gotta be scared of living alone. You gotta find someone who’ll be there through thick and thin, someone, anyone, who you know you can always come back to. That’s what I have in Darlene. And that’s what you’ll get outta Friday over here, she won’t abandon you for nothing, no she won’t. She’s a bit busted up, but she’ll love you all the more so because of it.
You’re still not sure? Why don’ I go and kick that price down to 85 big ones. Consider it a gift from me to you. Besides, I don’ wanna see you dead on the side of the road, boots still on, cause yer horse left you for a younger man mid-journey. I mean imagine just lyin there, boots on of course, dead, just on the side of the road.
Why are the boots on, you ask? Well son, do you know why a cowboy dies with his boots still on? Because he doesn’t wanna stub his toe when he kicks the bucket! Alright jokes aside, give me the 85 and take ol’ Friday here, I gotta be back for supper soon. Darlene’s making Memphis dry rub BBQ… then she’s gunna give me the ol’ Memphis dry rub please-and-thank-you, if you know what I mean…Ahhh, yer a good kid. Friday’s in good hands with you, I can tell.
Oh, before ya go, have I told you that this horse can help you time travel? Yea with this horse, you’ll be able to ride into town on a Sunday, stay three days, but leave on Friday.
Don’t you wanna know how? Don’t you wanna know how you can do this time travel? Well, I can’t just tell you, you gotta get it yerself… okay, okay, I’ll spill the beans. The horse’s NAME is Friday, ya silly goose!
We like to have fun here, oh yes we do.
—A. Berke
