Point: I’ve got a gun, and I’m going to blow this here madam’s head off unless you hand over everything you’ve got in that there register. Frankly, I’ve fallen on tough times since they laid me off at the general store. You know, the one in town. Sure, I saved enough for a rainy day, but if I’m ever going to invest in this finnicky railroad business, I need a lump sum of cash right now.

Counterpoint: You put that gun down, Spingle Moe, or I’ll fire this here .22 right through that there head of yours.

Counter-counterpoint: Like hell you will, Face for Hands Sammy. I have a rifle trained on the back of your noggin.

Point: Put your guns down or I’ll shoot.

Counterpoint: You shoot, I shoot.

Counter-counterpoint: You shoot, he shoots, I shoot.

Point: You shoot, he shoots, I shoot, you shoot. 

Counter-counterpoint: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s all slow down before I pull this here trigger. 

Counterpoint: Spingle Moe, let that there madam go. 

Counter-Counterpoint: That there madam has a name, and it’s my wife. 

Wife: I am married to Counter-Counterpoint. 

Counter-Counterpoint: And I’m about to shoot whoever puts a hand on her. 

Counterpoint: Unless I shoot you first. I’ll do it, I will. 

Counter-Counterpoint: I thought you were going to shoot Moe. 

Counterpoint: Oh yeah, sorry. I got caught up in the heat of that there moment. 

Point: Well, if Sammy shoots me, I’ll shoot her. I will! 

Counterpoint: Oh yeah, that there makes sense. 

Counter-Counterpoint: Fine, if nobody else is going to say it, I will. My name is Holin da’Head. 

Point: This revolver might involve yer head if yer not careful. 

Counterpoint: Did you prepare that there ahead of time? 

Point: Yeah. 

Counter-Counterpoint: I thought so. 

Point: And I thought I just might shoot this here wife of yours. And I still feel that way. 

Counter-Counterpoint: Whoa. If you do that, then I’ll shoot F4H Sammy. 

Point: Honestly, that there’s fine by me. So long as I get my cash, I don’t care who lives or dies. 

Counterpoint: Whoa. Just a reminder: I’ll shoot you if— 

[Holin shoots Sammy, Sammy shoots Moe, and Moe shoots wife. Holin sheds a single tear.] 

Counter-Counterpoint: Darn.


By Aaron Sorkin (They were walking the whole time)

—W. Cramer