My name is Roger L. Greensbury, and I have a bone to pick. A skull too.
I worked on the Scowling Seaman for 13 nautical years. In that time I rose through the ranks, first swabbing the poop deck, then raising the sails, and even ascending to the rank of Polly the Parrot’s personal keeper. But my final position was my favorite of all: Social Media Coordinator and Graphic Design Tsar for Blackbeard himself.
It was the time of my life. I made OOTDs, DITLs, PSTFDs (Pirate Slang Translations for Dummies). I went live on Instagram and even got the big man to do the Savage dance on his TikTok (which was hard given the pirates vs crocodiles-with-clocks-inside beef).
We were committed to making a discrete and distinctive brand. It had to be clean, intimidating, and above all, sexy. It needed to scream PIRATE! At long last, I found it: the skull and crossbones. I worked for years perfecting the design. How much detail to put in the skull? How proportionally large to make the bones? Fibulas or tibias? But we got there, oh, did we get there. I created the perfect flag for the perfect man.
And what happened? Everyone stole my shit. 4 nautical years of work walked off the plank. On t-shirts, shitty flags. Don’t get me started on those fucking Buckaneers. And that secret society at Yale? You’re on thin fucking ice.