DETECTIVE ASTRID: You’re aware of how it looks, Mr. Catcher.

DOG CATCHER: It wasn’t my Madame who killed that man. She ain’t trained to kill men.

DETECTIVE CARUSO: Is she potty-trained, at least?


ASTRID: She’s trained to kill other things, then?

CATCHER: I… I didn’t mean to say that. What I was meanin’ to say is that my pup is trained to help me round up mutts.

ASTRID: And what does ‘rounding up’ entail, Mr. Catcher?

CATCHER: My employer asks me not to disclose my methods.

CARUSO: Did he ask nicely? Say, is your employer a kind man? Or a mean man?

ASTRID: Your employer is…?

CATCHER: Why, Mr. O’Halloran, o’course. The man is chiefly concerned with the well-being of the dogs in this town.

ASTRID: So you confirm that he banned you from describing your methods?

CATCHER: Listen here—Madame and I work to keep mutts off the street and make sure that the Puppery runs smoothly. Some might consider my methods… brutal. But I consider them effective. 

CARUSO: Was that a monologue? Did you just do a rehearsed monologue?

ASTRID: Caruso, keep it on track. Remind me of your alibi again.

CATCHER: Mr. O’Halloran suggested that the tourists may be scared if they saw me patrollin’ for mutts, so he asked me to let the pup handle it by her lonesome.

ASTRID: So your dog was unsupervised at the time of the murder?

CATCHER: I think you’re beginnin’ to stick your snout somewhere it don’t belong, Ms. Detective. A man is dead, and you’re accusing vital members of the community? This is outrageous! I’ve taken care of thousands of dogs for this damn town! GRAAHHHRRRHH!!!

ASTRID: Excuse me sir, did you just… I’m sorry, did you just growl at me? Anyway, I have one last question for you… Is the dog still on the loose?

CATCHER: I would like a lawyer before I reveal anymore information, ma’am. I need to calm down, in case Mr. O’Halloran has a dog he needs me to go take care of. I refuse to speak any further.

T. Norsworthy