HOUSTON, TX – A recent study from the NASA Johnson Space Center revealed that the Earth is actually square and not a sphere like many have believed. 

“Drawings of a square orbiting the sun in a newly discovered journal of Isaac Newton sparked our interest,” said senior NASA scientist Bobby Ray Simmons Jr.. “Newton appears to have believed that the earth wasn’t spherical, and we set out to confirm this theory nearly 300 years later.” 

Remarkably, this discovery relied not on the professional scientist staff but on crowdsourcing instead. A Google Form was sent out to record personal anecdotes and measurements taken by citizen scientists. 

“By taking out advertisements for our research on Facebook and other major platforms, we were able to gather data about the shape of the earth from hundreds of people around the world without leaving the comfort of our office,” Simmons said “All for less than the cost of a telescope you could buy on Amazon!” 

Rather than go through the exhausting peer-review process like most scientific research, NASA opted to save time by simply skipping it. “The peer review process can take up to 80 days on the early side, and this research was simply too groundbreaking to wait for review” stated Bernice Kane, a spokesperson for NASA Johnson. “It’s better to get the news around the cube first, and then correct it if we’re disproved.”

At press time, scientists were figuring out the best way to recall millions of globes. 

—T. Schroder