Things To Tell Your Therapist To Impress Them

1. That they are your 18th therapist
2. That you’re verified on WebMD
3. That they can sit on the couch this time around
4. That you bought a slightly nicer version of their car
5. That their time is up, and you charge by the hour
6. That they can schedule a follow up appointment if they have any more questions
7. That they try being vulnerable and letting their guard down
8. That they should try going on Prozac
9. That you can run a seven minute mile
10. That you smoked a blunt with their twelve year-old son

—Staff