Extend your upper right most extremity in the direction of the nearest human.

Clearly state your unique identifier and ask the human to state theirs.

Do not listen as they identify themselves and refer to them only as ‘you.’

Ask them to state their place of origin. At this stage, do not appraise their thymus gland for salt content.

Pretend you have some passing familiarity with their place of origin and comment your approval on their choice of living locale.

Attempt to find common interests. Humans are rarely able to recall their interests when asked, so it is important that you remind them of the types of activities and subjects they can enjoy (a complete list of common human interests is included at the back of this book).

Should the human not positively react to the potential commonalities you have highlighted, ask them what nutrient sources they find most appealing.

Offer to consume nutrients in conjunction with them. Do not offer to appraise their thymus gland for salt content.

As you both partake in the ingestion of food, ask the human increasingly personal questions until they express a lack of desire to continue.

Promenade with one another as this helps humans digest food.

After sufficient distance has been covered, enthusiastically express your interest in repeating this experience. If the human appears amenable, politely ask if you may appraise their thymus gland for salt content.

In approximately one year, repeat the interaction, then never speak to the human again.

—A. Jeddy

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