Happy almost-Tax Day, everyone! Here at The Yale Record we don’t just make jokes; we also make inordinate amounts of money, which we then invest in shady offshore accounts and stuff under our goose-feather mattresses for safekeeping. Here are some helpful tips guaranteed to lower your tax rate by at least 200%:

-Blame Obama
-Preemptively give all your money to the government so that you have no revenue to report
-Move all your money to that thing in Panama
-On second thought, transfer all your money from Panama to Switzerland
-Register as a human non-profit
-Make less money
-Make more money
-Run for Congress, win, and pass legislation that exempts you from taxation
-Produce a compromising photo of the IRS with a prostitute
-Frame the IRS for tax evasion
-Ask one of Madoff’s non-incarcerated friends for help
-Die and pass the burden to your next of kin
-Count your blessings, and be happy