Sample Short Two – Why Being Pharaoh is Easier Than Being President

“All-powerful Pharaoh, Raspotep here from the Aswan Journal. By what means will the administration be raising the funds required for such a mammoth construction project?”

“While a few ideas have been kicked around, duties on papyrus or a government-run chain of coin-op camel washes, most likely we’ll just stick with what we know works and tax the farmers to the point of starvation. Next question?”

“Glorious and mighty Pharaoh with bronze skin and a firm chest, this is Thanoptat, Giza Gazette. As a Gizan myself, I’d like to know why 65% of all state revenue is going towards a work project that will benefit .002% of the kingdom’s population: you and your 13 year old bride?”

“Great Question. Let’s say we were to spend our surplus on food for the people of Giza or develop a writing system that’s more “alphabet” and less “silly picture” oriented. How would rival nations be aware of just how large we can build triangles? Beyond that, I think it’s important to keep the big picture in mind; I am your god.”

“Oh firm yet compassionate Pharaoh who acts as a father to a great nation, reprimanding while maintaining a general atmosphere of encouragement, does the administration have any plans to deal with the reports that the Nile has turned into a river of blood? Isn’t investing in alternative water sources a more urgent matter than a massive tomb?”

“This monument guarantees that in 3000 years, people will remember our kingdom better than any other on Earth. Really, who’s going to remember some minor inconvenience like bloody water? Hell, I don’t think anyone would remember if our cattle turned into frogs or our firstborns ate our crops or all our locusts died of pestilence.”

“Thank you, most holy and mighty vanquisher of the lesser Levantine civilizations, builder of all greattriangular and quadrangular structures, holder of unparalleled press-conferences. How do you plan to raise a labor force strong enough to build this structure?”

“Hmmmm. If only we had some meek nation of people that could do our work for us. A group that we could enslave and push around for as long as we like, preferably Semitic. How about the Assyrians? Or maybe the Phoenicians?”