Other Things George Washington Warned About In His Farewell Address

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Urinary tract infections

World War II

World War IX

Not World War I, strangely

Surprise parties

Women

The number 3

The ghost of George Washington

What the ghost of George Washington will do to anyone who so much as smiles at Martha when he’s gone

What the ghost of George Washington will do to anyone who thinks he’s fucking joking

The number 3, again, over and over for about an hour and in a little girl’s voice for some reason

Bees

—B. Rudeen & C. Rudeen

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