Newsroom
Student Finally Joins Local DSA After Fifth Unsuccessful Tinder Date
NEW HAVEN, CT -- After yet another disappointing first date at the Shake Shack on Chapel Street, Devin Hostleman '21 has sworn off Tinder...
Peabody 1 To Become Four-Story Patagonia Megastore
NEW HAVEN, CT — In a report issued Tuesday to the city of New Haven, Patagonia, Inc. has announced plans to complete their buyout of...
Embattled DKE Rebrands to LEO
NEW HAVEN, CT — Facing yet another wave of censure for its hostile sexual climate and countless confirmed allegations of assault, including those leveled...
Confused Sarah Palin Prepared to Step In As President
WASILLA, ALASKA— Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska and current author, political commentator, and Instagram endorser of Teami Blends Skinny Tea, made statements on...
Nathan Chen Deep In Training For 2019 First-Year Olympics
In the 2018 Winter Olympics, he made history as the first Olympic ice skater to land six quadruple jumps. Just months later, he was...
Hillary Clinton Returns To Connecticut For Yale Graduation, Skips Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania State
NEW HAVEN - Former Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton visited Yale on Sunday to deliver the 2018 Class Day Address.
Clinton, who...
Trump Says He Would Have Rushed in Unarmed to Revive his Fortnite “Squad”
WASHINGTON — President Trump asserted Monday that he would have run in to a heavy spray of gunfire to save the other members of...
President Xi Jinping Wins 2033 China Election
BEIJING, CHINA, 2033 — Xi Jinping clinched victory in China’s 2033 election this past Sunday, collecting a sweeping 100 percent of the vote.
“This is...
Freshman Screw Renamed To First-Year Fuckathon
New Haven, CT — In accordance with the change from “freshman” to “first-year” enacted in September, Yale administrators announced this week that the annual...
Burning Pile of 274,000 Dollar Bills To Headline Spring Fling
NEW HAVEN, CT — In a surprise announcement Wednesday night at Toad’s, it was revealed that, rather than procuring a lineup of performers for...
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