Yale’s secret societies have been shrouded in mystery for hundreds of years. Fearless reporters from the Record obtained audio documentation of what actually goes on inside the hallowed halls of the Skull and Bones, Yale’s most secret society. 

BONESMAN 1: Yo, how have you been man? 

BONESMAN 2: Eh, alright, I guess. You know, they had coffee-flavored ice cream today for dinner. 

BONESMAN 1: That’s crazy dude. 

BONESMAN 2: Don’t you think it’s a little weird? Like, coffee is a breakfast food, you know? So shouldn’t coffee ice cream be served at breakfast only?  

BONESMAN 1: I never thought about it like that before. Damn, you really are smart. 

BONESMAN 2: Thanks. How have you been? 

BONESMAN 1: I don’t really know. I guess kind of sad, my cat died a few weeks ago. It was all really unexpected, we don’t know wh—

BONESMAN 2: For sure, did you consider rocky road?  

BONESMAN 1: W-what? 

BONESMAN 2: Rocky road. 

BONESMAN 1: No, she couldn’t drive. She was a cat. I think she ate some bad fish food or something. 

BONESMAN 2: Phish food, what kind of flavor is that? Also, what’s up with butter pecan? Like what even is butter pecan? Do people eat butter with pecans? Who even eats pecans? Do you ever think about that? 

BONESMAN 1: She really liked pecans. 

BONESMAN 2: No, not the pecans. Butter pecan ice cream. The flavor. Also, what the fuck is up with pistachio? Who the fuck would want pistachio? 

BONESMAN 1: Whoa, fuck you. 

BONESMAN 2: Chill, bro. I mean, to each their own. Like if you want to eat pistachio, eat pistachio, you know? 

BONESMAN 1: Eat her? You’re disgusting. She just died, asshole. 

—T. Bhat

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