1. Bjørngenstern “BB” Bjørnsønne –– 1928 Nobel Laureate for Physiology

Bjørnsønne’s research on animal genetics  is often overshadowed by the circumstances of his death. Despite his name directly translating to “Beargenstern Son of Bear,” Bjørnsønne was mauled by his main research subject and dearest friend, a grizzly bear named Rocco. This was decidedly the lamest thing to happen to the scientific community during the interwar period.

  1. Frederick Schmidt –– 1958 Co-Nobel Laureate for Physics

Only four days after receiving his Nobel Prize, Schmidt moved to Lima, Peru and became a hermit. This was likely due to Schmidt’s realization that his wife had been sleeping with his collaborator and fellow Nobel Laureate, Jacob Hotpants Fox. Fox was under the impression Schmidt already knew of the affair, due to the nature of their Nobel-winning research “How Balls Deep Can I Go in Schmidt’s Wife”. 

  1. Milton Snavely Hershey –– 1977 Nobel Laureate for Peace

Due to an unfortunate mistranslation, the Nobel Committee nominated Hershey for his treatise on demilitarization entitled “Reese’s Peaces.” Upon discovering their mistake, the Committee requested Hershey return the solid gold medal, to which he responded “no backsies” and swallowed it whole. Hershey would go on to regret this seconds later as he choked on the medallion, resulting in his premature death at 120 years old.

  1. Olde Amaethon Gwalchgwyn, He Who Must Not Be Disturbed –– Alt. Reality 1986 Nobel Laureate for Literature

While the Nobel Prize cannot be awarded posthumously, there are no regulations regarding  interdimensional beings. Upon discovering the Tablet of Indeterminable Futures, Henceforth and Eternally, a set of prophecies written by His Olde Etherealness, the Nobel Committee summoned Him from the Between Worlds to accept his award. His very presence caused that reality to split from ours and cease to exist, which was pretty baller, but also super lame since no one in this timeline can remember anything about it.

  1. Marie Curie –– 1903 Co-Nobel Laureate for Chemistry

She may have won the Nobel Prize, but if she was so “smart” why couldn’t she figure out that radiation is dangerous

—E. Madsen