- Believe in yourself — Try to remember that you have your own skills and talents, and that your worth isn’t defined by comparison. Like my mom said when I asked her if I was handsome—you are so unique.
- Diversify Activities — So your high school Science Olympiad coach thought your brother was a better captain and Jessica C. from Comparative Literature thought he was the hotter one. Have you ever considered just joining Mock Trial instead? If you don’t join the same clubs, take the same classes, and chase the same girls as your siblings, you won’t feel their dominating presence as much. I mean, Jessica G. from AP Physics is pretty cute too.
- Distance yourself — If you guys go to different places, other people can’t compare you two anymore. Like, if your brother’s going to Bovine University and you get deferred and then rejected from Bovine University but then get into Yale, like, go to Yale. Yale is better anyway. Like, Bovine who? Seriously.
- Overtake them — At Science Olympiad practice, ensure that your mousetrap vehicle goes farther than theirs. Flirt harder with Jessica C.—tell her she looks unique or something. Even if your parents only wear Bovine merch now, if you work hard enough, maybe they’ll invest in a Yale Dad t-shirt.
- Destroy them — Okay—you gave it your best shot, but your mousetrap vehicle fell apart at the last Olympiad invitational and your father keeps wearing his stupid Bovine Dad sweatshirt around. It’s time to pull out the big guns. Commit yourself to doing everything in your control to ruin your sibling’s existence. Put shaving cream in their Oreos, turn off their alarms before interviews, put arsenic in their orange juice—simple pranks like that.
- Nip it in the bud — I never had to deal with being overshadowed by my siblings. Why, you may ask? Because I worked smarter, not harder. If you’re a twin, like me, all you’ve got to do is eat them in the womb. Problem solved.