GUILFORD, CT — From the wrinkles on her face to the creak in her knees, it has become inarguably evident that the rumors are true: Grandma just keeps getting older. 

88-year-old Pauline Dansinger spends her days sitting in a rocking chair that her husband built and smiling out the window, watching what appears to be nothing in particular with great focus. Sometimes, she takes her glasses off and wipes them down with the hem of her shirt, smearing fingerprints all over the lenses.

“Grandma’s always been old,” said Dansinger’s grandson Brad. “At first, I thought her face was just weird. But it’s not just her face. It’s also her voice and her body and the way she acts. She smells like a dead cat and she only talks about newspaper coupons and her stupid dead husband. I say it’s time for her to kick the bucket and join him.” 

Brad’s younger sister Suzy was no more charitable. “Grandma doesn’t even have Cartoon Network on her TV,” she complained. “All my other friends’ grandmas have Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon and Disney Channel—and they’re allowed to watch The Simpsons. But of course, with my luck, I get the stupid grandma who only watches Antiques Roadshow. ” 

When asked for her comment, Grandma Dansinger just smiled. “I am so lucky to have such a loving family,” she said. “Such sweethearts.” 

—S. Spaner