Ate an Egg McMuffin at 6am and sat in a tiny chair for four hours to simulate flying out to good ol’ New Haven, CT.

Walked around my living room looking lost with a carry-on suit-case full of Yale merch and pastel-shorts because I know that Connecticut is balmy and sunny in April.

Wore flip-flops in the shower and got a foot infection anyway. Forgot people’s names: “I want to say it starts with an M…?”
“It’s Mom.”

Pretended to care about Model UN.
Threw-up in some bushes at 3am after drinking five Four Lokos for a combined total of twenty Lokos.

Pretended to care about Public Forum debate and whatever the
hell the YPU is.

Showed up to Marvin Chun’s house hungover as hell to ask him if brains are actually all wrinkly and pink like he says they are.

Relayed my Public Forum debate record to everyone in sight, dog included.

Walked into traffic and got mowed down by a Toyota Corolla.

—A. Beer