Dear Old Owl, My roommate Miranda* (18F) plays the drums until 3 a.m., regularly hot-boxes our bathroom, and has brought home a different person each night of orientation. I have tried to have a conversation about it, but she refuses to take her airpods out to talk to me. I don’t want to go to the Frocos, but if this continues I’m not afraid to bring it to their attention. How should I confront her about changing her habits?

Dear Owlet, Having open conversations is the first step to healthy cohabitation and you were right to employ that. However, it sounds like your roommate is way too cool for that, and it was ignorant and unrealistic to try to talk to her. The first step of succeeding in college is accepting your place and realizing that you might simply not be worth talking to. In fact, you sound like a whiny little narc for bringing the establishment into this matter when ultimately Miranda should be able to do whatever she wants. Honestly, the more I think about it the more it sounds like you’re the problem. Miranda sounds pretty chill and honestly kinda hot. Maybe you could tell her to email oldowl@yalerecord.com and we could just grab dinner or I dunno go to a concert or something.

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons; Miranda’s real name is Alicia.

Dear Old Owl, I’m a rising First Year designing my schedule for this semester and don’t know how I should go about it. I’m nervous that I will pick the wrong classes and end up boxed out of advanced courses or scrambling to meet requirements. What should I do?

Dear Owlet, Yale College has actually put in a lot of work to make their registration process easier on you. There are three fail-safe systems in place to eliminate the risk of choosing the wrong courses. The first and easiest way to approach your first semester is by taking a predetermined 5 course package such as Spanish 1, Spanish 2, Spanish 3, Spanish 4, and Spanish 5 (numbered for your convenience). This allows you to take a tried and tested course load that has proven successful for countless Yalies before you. The second path, for the STEM-inclined members of your class, is CHEM 995: worth 6.5 credits without lab. This course has a relaxed time commitment, no reading, and minimal problem sets throughout the semester. (Small caveat: if you fail to synthesize and patent a new periodic element, you will forfeit housing and be promptly expelled). Lastly, if neither option seems, the Directed Studies program is available to first year students that feel unready to develop their own interests.

Dear Old Owl, I really like to party, but the frats never let me (19M) in on prime nights. I’ve tried bringing some girls from my FroCo group or faking an invitation on my phone but it never works. They always tell me the party is at capacity and make me wait at least 45 minutes before letting me in, if I get in at all! How do I get into the cool parties?

Dear Owlet, This is a very common problem amongst First Years, especially at the beginning of the year. While it’s unfortunate, many of the connections that would get you on the real invite list take time to form. However, we at the Record have developed a foolproof method of getting into parties we aren’t necessarily wanted at (which there aren’t many of, of course). After being turned away from the door, sneak around to the back of the house and hop the fence. Once you’ve reached the backyard, gather some loose kindling and whatever gasoline the brothers have lying around. Use these tools, in conjunction with your trusty flint and steel, to start a trash fire. By the time it’s up and going, the smoke smell will be pretty strong so people may start to evacuate. If not, feel free to toss some rubber in there for an extra kick. People should start scrambling for the door and out to the street, solving the crowd problem. Once the house is empty, they have no reasonable excuse not to let you in.

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