Lots of people think capitalism is bad, but they’re all wrong. Capitalism is great! Take, for example, the best capitalist of them all: Elon Musk. Elon is one of my biggest heroes. He came to this country with nothing but his ideas, and now he’s the second richest person in the world. 

I too come from humble beginnings. My father is a mere corporate lawyer, and only for lousy companies like Wells Fargo. Our only other income is the estate my mother inherited when my grandfather died. To make matters worse, my father got drunk at the casino last week, and we may have to let go of our island in the Carribean.

Anyway, like Elon, I basically have nothing to my name except my creativity. I have a lot of great ideas. My most recent one is something I like to call the TrakCar™. It’s like a bunch of cars connected together, but instead of roads they go on metal “tracks.” Also, lots of people can ride them at once! Oh and to save energy, only the front car will drive! It is going to revolutionize transportation. Wait! I just had another idea: we can make them go underground! 

Another similarity between Elon and me is our relationship with our fathers. Elon doesn’t get along with his father, and I despise mine. You see, when my father blew millions of dollars at the casino, he made me sell my collection of finely bred racehorses. I will never forgive him. Those beautiful creatures helped me stay humble.

When I grow up, TrakCar and my other ideas will make me rich, so I can finally get out of this house. I mean, my suite only has four bathrooms! If we lived under socialism, people who have never done a day of work in their lives would steal all my hard earned money. They don’t realize that I’m self made! What’s worse, they’d probably spend it on dangerous drugs, not like the cocaine we do here in Coral Gables. Is that fair? Is that just?

In conclusion, socialism is an unjust system that benefits people with no work ethic. Capitalism, on the other hand, benefits visionaries like Elon and me! I mean, where would America be without space cars?

—F. Gibson