Bested in combat by a powerful rat king that lived off of grease and pepperoni in the store-room.

Received first-degree burns on the tip of my dick while trying to fuck a Hot-N-Ready Meat Lover’s Pizza (see also: Best HR Complaints Received While Working at Little Caesars).

Required by management to attend weekly 3 A.M. Staff Bonding nights spent venturing into the store room to reclaim our once prosperous lands from the evil clutches of the rat king.

Forced to offer secret menu item known as Little Caesar’s People Pleaser: a kiss on the lips to any customer who spends $35 or more.

Assisted by rat king (whose name is apparently Craig) around the store with odd jobs and deliveries (nice guy, but never washed his hands).

Required by management to eat crazy-bread laced with vape juice and Monster, called it “DSM-5 Loaf.”

Docked in pay by night shift manager who called himself “Medium Caesar” and tenderly caressed every pizza with his bare hands before delivery as a “final blessing.”

Tricked into eating Little Caesar’s pizza.