Guys come on, no, like guys please listen to me. I don’t want to get in trouble. I know that you guys think Stacey is cool and alternative, but drugs aren’t cool! She’s stinking up the whole campsite with her marijuana stench and I’m sick of it! If she wants to break the law, she shouldn’t be doing it here at Camp Tikatonic. She shouldn’t make it our problem. Plus if she gets caught and they know we didn’t report her, we’re totally not gonna be allowed at group swim and you know how much I wanted to talk to Benny in Cabin 7 and we can’t do that if we don’t get to participate in the co-ed activities. So come on guys like please I’m really freaking out, and oh my gosh, I think I’m getting high from smelling it.
Shut the heck up and stop being such a narc Mackenzie. Newsflash: nobody cares! You’re just jealous because Josh the counselor likes her because she’s in the older kids group and she made gimp strings with him for like twenty minutes while you were crying about getting out in Fishy Fishy Cross My Ocean. Ugh, if you love him so much, you would’ve won the frickin’ game! Stacey is super cool and nice and did you know that she kissed a guy with her tongue before? Stacey says marijuana use should be decrimified anyway, and she has a point that it would totally stimulate the economy. If you report her, she’ll probably never let us hang out with her and listen to My Chemical Romance through her other earbud ever again. If you want to be uncool and annoying, go ahead, but you won’t be able to sit at our picnic table at lunchtime anymore. And forget about being partners for our paper mache volcano project.
— D. Kulmizev