SILVER SPRING, MD –– On Thursday, Discovery Channel representatives announced the long-awaited spinoff of hit TV show Naked and Afraid— Clothed and Confident. Instead of receiving only a microphone and necklace-camera, contestants are now provided with a camisole, sweater, black slacks, and statement accessory of their choice.

“We have been accused of sexualizing the act of camping due to the nudity featured on our show,” stated Creative Content Spokesperson Timothy Johnson. “Discovery Channel and its affiliates take those accusations very seriously. We want our viewers to know we value their feedback, and we are pleased to put forth a more family friendly, emotionally healthy, and physically comfortable extreme survival show.” 

When asked, “Will this show be just footage of regular people camping?” Johnson answered, “No, not exactly, but in the most technical sense, yes.” 

Johnson also responded to concerns about the financial burden that Clothed and Confident would place on the network, given that the Discovery Channel would now be forced to shell out on a costume department. According to Johnson, however, the network managed to break even. “Sure, we may have to pay for clothes, but we don’t have to pay the guy who censors out their privates,” he explained. “Also we make $2 billion a year. We could give them all a brand new mink coat every day if we wanted. But they’d probably get hot. And also we don’t want to.”

A recent survey of Naked and Afraid viewers found that only about half of them would be interested in viewing Clothed and Confident. While many were concerned that the show would lose its charm if clothes were introduced, some were able to find a silver lining. “Sure, I won’t get to observe their supple thighs and back muscles as closely, but there’s something to be said about adding clothes,” noted avid viewer Jeffrey Crandall. “It’s almost more arousing, more tantalizing, to watch the tension that comes with such a simple layer of clothing. And no matter what, it’s prime time television, so the people they pick will still be hot.”

Clothed and Confident will air on the Discovery Channel on Tuesday nights at 8/7 Central. Bonus episodes, in which the contestants wear even more clothes, will stream exclusively on Discovery+.

—A. Golden