- Barron is ten years old. He has computers. He is so good with these computers, it’s unbelievable.
- He’s reading at a sixth-grade level!
- He can descend stairs like a champ.
- His school curriculum includes provocative ideas like evolution and the Constitution.
- Caviar-infused moisturizer.
- His golden locks are harvested for Donald’s toupee, so why not go right to the source?
- By the end of his term, he’ll have gone through puberty.
- He can climb under the desk in the Situation Room and punch Steven Bannon in the cloaca.
- He hasn’t started a fake university.
- He can write reading responses without using words like “tremendous,” “huge,” and “inner cities.”
- He can speak Slovenian, so can maintain a strategic US-Slovenian relationship.
- He was raised under President Obama.
- Bigger hands.
—S. Gupta